Perry’s Story

Perry was born at a very young age in 1965. He was the son of a milkman and originally his father wished him to carry on the family business. Perry however was much more interested in bowls than milk, and wished to become a professional bowling ball maker. His father, though, saw no future in this career and soon crushed young Perry’s dream of bowling ball making.
Perry had a troubled childhood at school, after being mercilessly, but quite fairly, tormented with names such as ‘Ginger Snaps, Ginger Nuts, Ginger Tosser, Tintin, Ginger Minger, Copper Nob, Sailor, Greaseball, Shiny Shorts, Perry Goss, Captain Haddock, Bowls Boy, Milkfloat Perry, Orange Peel, Grease-Pole Perry, Slimy Perry, Grimy Groves, Perry, Grundy Groves, Grubby Grundies, Perry Christmas and Gaylord.’
When Perry was fourteen, he got his footballing break. By accidentally feeding the entire team milk past its sell by date (for that was still his job at that time), he cleared the way for his own footballing glory. His sister, Irma Groves was also in the team and scored their only goal. Perry himself, though he did not score, played one of the most amazing football games ever seen by a child of his age. Perry was soon being chased by the scouts, as his collection of stolen woggles mounted up.
When playing for his school team, as he was now a regular addition to the side, he was spotted by Arsenal Assistant Manager Matt Goss, who was there to play a gig at the school disco. Goss immediately recommended him to the manager, who went down to Perry’s home town of Framley to watch him play. Immediately impressed, he signed Perry up to the youth team.
Perry’s career at Arsenal blossomed early on, and he soon learned how to do really long throw-ins. He took to the tight Arsenal kit straight away, and often wore it round the house as well as at the training ground. He also employed a young Pakistani immigrant to shine his kit with Turtle Wax.
Perry’s big break came when he was 22 when he decided to change his haircut. Using the simple tools of clippers and gel, he created one of the most controversial and widely discussed haircuts in the footballing community. The aero-dynamics of the new cut also brought the length of his throw-ins to even higher levels. At this time the band Bros also started to become interested in him.
Catching the eye of new Arsenal manager George Graham with his refined look, Perry made his debut in the first eleven in 1987 at home to Norwich. Arsenal won the match 5-1, with Perry scoring two goals. He was an instant hit with the fans, a quality which remains to this day.
One of Perry’s most glorious moments in his career was when he came on for Arsenal against Liverpool in the 1989 League decider at Anfield. Needing a two goal advantage Arsenal seemed no-hopers. But Perry’s inspirational impact made the difference in the game, and a second goal in the 89th minute brought the title back to Highbury.
Now, having left the dizzy heights of Highbury, Perry lives back in his home town of Framley, and has a small bowling ball business, while still playing his beloved football for local club Framley Town Wanderers. He also covers Kevin the milkman’s milk round on Tuesdays.